An appointment to see the eye specialist FINALLY came through on Monday after 3 months of an anxious wait. If you’re a new reader and need to catch up then read My Job Could Make Me Blind?!
Mum drove me in the morning as I needed those eye drops which make your vision blurry. I was super nervous and a bit panicky (the last time I was in the hospital I had a bad panic attack) but kept myself calm. Mum kept my mind off things by asking me different questions to concentrate on.
I signed in and was called through by a nurse after a short wait in the overcrowded waiting room. She asked me to read off a letter eye chart whilst covering each eye and then put the drops in. I had already experienced this at the opticians before I was signed off work but these felt much stronger. She had to put two in each eye instead of one because my eyelashes kept getting in the way; my eyes burned and watered.
I then had my eyes photographed after the blurriness kicked in and then had to wait a further half an hour (they were running late as per) before I was called in to see the actual doctor.
Mum told him everything that I had been told previously in the past 3-4 months – I had a brain defect, I was born with a undeveloped lens in my left eye and that I didn’t even use my left eye said by my optician (Owen Aves) and that if I kept the way I was going (staring at a screen all day at work) my right eye would deteriorate like my left (occupational health) She also told him that it all started because I was getting severe headaches/migraines at work.
The specialist was taken aback and I burst into tears. Mum passed me a tissue and explained how anxious we had all been after being told these things. The doctor shook his head and said that my eyes were perfectly healthy and in good condition; he had examined them before we went into the room. I was soo confused.
He said that whoever had told me those things shouldn’t be practicing and had no right to diagnose me as they weren’t specialists or doctors. (It looks like I was scare-mongered, but I have no idea why. What were they trying to achieve?!)
Finally, someone who knew what they were talking about reassured us. He said that my left eye (which we’ve always considered the ‘bad’ eye) was slightly longer sighted than my right which is also long sighted. Therefore, staring at something short sighted is going to tense the muscles in the brain after a period of time. He also asked me how much water/fluid I drunk at work as well. I explained that I didn’t drink as much as I would like to because there were tight restrictions on how many times I could leave my desk.
To conclude he said that it wasn’t a healthy environment to work in, what with eye strain and the headaches. He said it’s most likely best for me to find something that doesn’t involve using a computer for 7-8 hours a day and a job that allows me to look after my mental and physical health better.
Don’t get me wrong, I am over the moon that I don’t have something serious going on with my eyes and that I don’t have a brain defect but I am super annoyed that I wasted nearly 6 months of my life worrying about something that WASN’T THERE. The occupational health guy told me I had a condition (couldn’t tell you the name) and many other things that are apparently not true, yet there is no evidence of this on his report that HR finally sent me. He didn’t even examine my eyes or had access to my health records/notes, but he made these conclusions. Why tell me in the appointment about these things and not write them in the actual report that goes to my employer? I’ll tell you why, because he had no idea what he was talking about and had no EVIDENCE to back it up. I also presume he was covering his arse by not noting them in the report so I couldn’t hold anything against him.
That leads me onto the Optician from Owen Aves (I won’t name and shame) Although a very nice young man, he also chucked a bucket load of fear onto what I was already going through. When someone tells you you were born with a brain defect and that you weren’t born with a developed left lens, it’s a lot to take in – so many unanswered questions run through your head. Why hadn’t they picked this up when I was at the children’s eye hospital right at the beginning? You’ve just been told there’s nothing that can be done to fix it. I had that diagnosis running through my head for four months, not only keeping me up at night but Mum and Dad also. I went into work and told my manager all of this and now I feel stupid because it was all a pack of lies. Mum said she’ll help me write a letter of complaint to the company and I have even looked into making a compensation claim. (I done this when I had my car accident but it went on forever!)
I really hope that no one else goes through this – it’s been hell. I am so grateful to the specialist Dr Hindi for making everything clear and taking away the anxiety and fear. You were so kind to us and lifted the weight off our shoulders. I will take your advice on board and will look at this as another life experience. You are right, I have my whole life ahead of me and I shall live it without any worries now about whether my eyes are OK.
I am handing my notice in today with a months Doctors Note to compensate for my notice. I will be closing this chapter and following this quote:
I couldn’t have done this without Mum and Dad, Sam and sister Kelly. They have been incredibly supportive, driving me to and from the doctors and offering kind words of advice.
Thank you to Sam for my gorgeous flowers and for treating me to a short break in Amsterdam on the 15th of July. I can’t wait to see Dam again and I have a couple of posts in mind for the occasion…
I will not be undefeated, I am STRONG💪🏼
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