Disappointment is an Understatement

At the start of the year, Sam and I made a pact that we’d be in our own house by the end of 2019, or at least started the mortgage/house buying process. It was all going swimmingly, but then something really shitty happened which has brought everything to a halt.

My Dad has been with Openreach (BT) for nearly 20 years, working as a telegraph pole engineer. He’s been trying to get me on the company since I could walk and the older I’ve gotten, the more interested I’ve become.

I applied for a trainee engineering role around Jan/Feb 2019 and started the lengthy application process. I passed the first test, multi choice questions on the role itself and ‘what I would do if’s;’ I then passed the online interview and made it to the last stage at the assessment centre. Dad drove me to Ipswich for this where I had two interviews, a practical and maths/English assessment. I actually really enjoyed the experience as I met engineers who were a couple years into the role and the managers seemed laid back. The practical was a piece of cake as Dad brought his tools round and taught me the basics before (life saver)

I got an email the day after saying I had been successful and passed the assessment centre. I was thrilled and sooo excited to get started!! I’ve always enjoyed working outside and being hands on (tomboy since day one haha) so the role was perfect. An amazing basic wage which is a lot lot higher than what I’m on now and the possibility of loads of well paid overtime on the horizon, my career had finally taken off!!! Dad said to me that I just had to wait for a start date which apparently only took a couple of weeks and then I’d be off to Yarnfield and Peterborough for training!

It was a great relief as I wasn’t too confident that my specialist doctor would recommend going back to work with my eye issues so I wanted to have something lined up just in case.

Sam and I started going to mortgage advisers to see how much we could borrow on my new starting wage (the amount we could borrow on my wage now is a pittance) We began looking at houses in our new range and it seemed that we could have a lovely first home. All we had to do was wait for my contract to come through and we could apply for a mortgage.

A month had gone by and Dad and I were beginning to get impatient. He had tried speaking to the recruitment manager he knows to get an update and the guy promised he’d have a look once he got back from holiday. The weird thing is that this guy had then disappeared for an age and Dad couldn’t seem to get hold of him. I decided to send the recruitment team an email myself on Thursday, enquiring about what was happening.

I got an email back yesterday with bad news. Apparently “they don’t have any vacancies suitable” and “there are no roles matched to me.” Like WHAT!? They said they’ll contact me once they have something (they couldn’t give any time frame obvs) and I will be fast tracked as I’ve already passed all the stages.

Wow, ok then.

My hopes and plans feel like they have been whipped from under me, and I guess for Sam too.

This probably means that I won’t get a look in until next April which is when they take on another load of trainees (they normally take between 2,000-3,000 a year) so unless I magically find something else that I really want to do with a great basic, the house hunting and mortgage will have to wait (which means where ever Sam and I end up staying, together or apart, could be a bit longer than temporary)

The main thing I’m disappointed at is they didn’t tell me all of this when I got an email saying I had passed the assessment stage. So for a month I have been on shitty statutory pay when I could’ve looked for a new job (my company sick pay has run out) waiting patiently for this start date which was never actually coming.

Dad went absolutely BOOLOO and has sent some strongly worded emails to this recruitment guy I mentioned earlier. He thinks I have been treated appallingly and wants more information about why we have wasted time and money going to the assessment for a start if there aren’t any vacancies. It’s a good thing I’m signed off in a way as I would’ve handed my notice in as soon as I got that last email and most likely would’ve been out of a job now.

I’ve never cried over a job before but I had everything resting on it.


After everything that’s happened in the past couple of months; the house we’re living in being sold so we’re having to move out and find a new place to stay, being signed off work for eye issues that I thought weren’t a problem, trying to scrape together every last penny for a mortgage. All this pressure has felt it’s been for nothing.

The part of me that believes everything happens for a reason, thinks that there is some sort of logic as to why I haven’t been offered a role. The superstitious side of me thinks maybe something bad was going to happen, or that something better is on it’s way which I couldn’t be a part of if I was doing something else. I don’t know, it just isn’t my time at the moment.

I just need to concentrate on not falling deeper into a hole. I’m feeling very shitty right now – my nightmares where the people I’m closest to keep leaving me (Sam in particular) have returned which I know is a sign of feeling insecure about myself.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s